


Cold December Nights

by unbroken_halo



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, M/M, Mini-fest 2015
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-11
Updated: 2016-01-11
Packaged: 2018-05-13 05:38:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5697037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unbroken_halo/pseuds/unbroken_halo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Severus receives some disturbing news that upsets his and Sirius' holiday plans.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cold December Nights

Severus stood at the window watching the snow falling in heavy sheets. Soon the definition of their lawn would all be a memory, nothing but a pristine white blanket where the faded and sleeping grasses lay awaiting the warmth of spring renewal. The twinkling lights, Sirius' hideous Muggle blowmolds, and the other assorted holiday trappings that had brightly decorated the premises were buried under the record snowfall. Only inside the house could the merrily coloured touches still be seen. 

A huge tree dominated their sitting room, decorated in silver and blue, with gifts mounded under the crisp evergreen boughs waited for their owners to rip and tear the bright paper wrappings. Stockings hung off the mantle, bulging with fruit, nuts and other small goodies to be enjoyed. The scents of the goose and stuffing, roasted vegs and pudding filled the air, all waiting to be shared between them. The fireplace was warm, the low flames crackling softly through the cold and blustery night. 

And still Sirius had not come home.

The vigil Severus kept weighed on him and though he was certain Sirius was safe, it would have been welcome to know for certain. The weather had put all of the Healers on alert, and Sirius had volunteered for some extra duty as well. Sirius had been chosen more than once over the years to cover the nights of the Christmas and many other 'family' oriented holidays. As if same -sex pairings weren't considered a family, Severus mused over the evening's events.

He'd known that his husband would be out late this week, and mostly it hadn't bothered him. They celebrated in their own way, usually before the actual day and always together, and that had always been satisfactory.

But this time, for some unknown and now foreboding reason, it grated on Severus' nerves. Checking the clock once more, Severus sighed. The night grew longer, and dimmer, the snow fell faster and the evening alone, the passage of a night in a large cold bed, dawned on him more and more. 

The ticking of the clock, striking each minute right down to the very second, pinged on every fiber of his being. He scowled, turning from the frosty and cold glass, and Summoned his mug. The hard cider inside sloshed over the rim, but Severus vanished the spill with another flick of his wand, and he crossed the room to settle on the sofa. He reheated the the tepid drink and sipped, feeling the heat and alcohol warm his throat. He looked into the hearth, wishing Sirius would step through, then gasped as the flames turned green. 

"Sirius?"

Potter's face coalesced and disappointment zinged through Severus. "What do you want, boy?"

Potter grimaced. "Professor…"

"Get on with it."

Potter sighed and steeled himself. Severus watched him through the flames and dread followed disappointment's path. "Well?"

"I need to come through as this is official business." Severus nodded, and Potter's arm stuck out of the fire, the normal colour returning to his skin as Potter grasped the bricks on the chimney and hauled himself from the glowing flames.

Potter's red Auror robes clashed with the soft blues decorating his and Sirius' sitting room. He cleared his throat and straightened, focusing that trained and non-descript 'official expression' on his young face. Fear drove Severus' blood pressure to the limit when Potter spoke.

"A group of Healers visiting Diagon Alley to help the downtrodden were caught up in an avalanche when the snow broke through the roofs of one of the buildings the unfortunate were inhabiting. I'm terribly sorry to inform you that we believe Sirius is among them as he hasn't returned to check in."

Severus just stared at Potter, tamping down the worst of his fears for Sirius. Potter wasn't pronouncing him gone, just missing, but Severus needed to confirm that. He wanted to make certain that he wasn't alone in his worry without conveying that to Potter.

"Does Poppy know?"

Potter stared at him, and Severus rolled his eyes. "Madame Pomfrey, Potter."

Severus could almost see the candle flicker to life on Potter's face. "Madame Pomfrey is one of the persons contracted to aid in the search and rescue. 

Severus stood. "Take me to the building."

Potter held out a hand. "No. I'm sorry I can't do that."

Arching a brow, Severus drew his wand and Summoned his cloak. "I don't believe I asked whether or not you can do something, Potter; I told you to do it."

Potter straightened his back and Severus was mildly impressed at the imposing look that appeared on his face. "Sit down, Mr Snape. You will not be going to the location."

Severus snorted then narrowed his eyes. "You and what army are going to stop me boy?"

Potter licked his lips. "I have the authority to prevent you."

"Again, you and what army?" Severus took a step forward and his heart froze as Potter's wand came up, the business end pointed directly at his heart. Then he looked at Potter, really studied him for a moment.

Potter's robes were disheveled, the top few buttons undone and a couple were completely misaligned. Severus tore his eyes away from one unpolished gold button to Potter's face again. The young face was pale, paler than normal, and there were circles beginning to form around his weary green eyes. Potter's mouth was drawn tight from tension and his bottom lip was reddened and chapped, the skin torn ragged from his teeth. His tongue darted out, crossing over the expanse of his mouth and Severus realized that Potter was more than nervous about delivering bad news.

"What aren't you telling me?"

"Noth--"

"Don't lie, boy." Severus snapped. "I can see you are hiding something."

Potter's eyes darted away from Severus' face and his wand trembled, but still he said nothing. Seeing Potter distracted, Severus made his move. He reached out and grabbed Potter's wrist, twisting his arm up and pointing Potter's wand away from his body. Keeping the leverage on Potter's wrist, Severus jerked Potter close to him.

"Tell me he isn't dead," Severus whispered in Potter's ear. He frowned as he felt Potter's body sag against him, then a tremor shook them both.

"I don't know." Potter's voice broke and a soft sob escaped. "I really don't know. I was asked to leave, to go home and await word because… because Ginny was shopping there, too." He paused and Severus heard him swallowing.

"With the children," Potter finished quietly.

Severus closed his eyes and tried to breath normally. His emotions ran riot through him and he tried to think without Potter's soft sniffling distracting him. Potter's form was slight against his own, and though he was warm, Severus felt the chill of uncertainty and fear surround them both while caged emotions tried to struggle free.

"Then you don't know anything. They are alive and we shall find out just exactly what in Merlin's name is happening. " He tightened his arm around Potter and Apparated.

St Mungo's coalesced around them and Severus let go of Potter, looking around at the chaos. Wizards and witches were everywhere, and not just medical personnel. Some were dressed for the weather; hats, scarves and coats littered the area. There were wizards that needed treatment, and some that had already been triaged, and more crowded about the waiting room entrance, looking for family and loved ones.

The noise was almost overwhelming, and all he could do was stare around and take in the chaos. A lime green clad Medi-witch wandered by and her soft voice broke Severus from his silent trance. A tray of potions floated behind her as she assessed the people waiting to be seen. He reached out and grabbed her arm. 

"Where is Medi-wizard Black?"

The woman blinked at him. "Are you family?"

Severus took a deep breath, trying to remember that not only was this woman harried because of the incident, she might also have orders not to speak with family either. He licked his lips. "No."

She narrowed her eyes at him, searching his face before her emotions blanked her expression. Severus knew he made a critical mistake by lying to her when she steeled her spine against his glare.

"I'm sorry, but I know who you are, and I can't help you. As you can see, all personnel have been summoned to aid with the aftermath of the weather; I am certain Medi-wizard Black is about someplace. Please take a seat in the waiting room, if you are uninjured, and someone will be with you shortly."

Severus watched her leave with an odd sort of feeling settling over him. She paused to see to another group of people, dispensing potions from the tray. Pointing out directions to a man, the medi-witch glance back at him before attending the next person. The noise narrowed to a buzzing sound in Severus' ears and he felt his stomach boiling, but before he let his emerging anger loose, Potter grabbed his arm.

Severus turned to level a first rate death glare on the boy, when Potter's words broke through. 

"Let me try. I look official."

Severus watched Potter's red robes weave through the crowd and he approached another matron. The woman jumped when Potter touched her and a look passed over her face. She shook her head and Potter's arms came out, his robes flaring as he gestured, and still the woman would not comply with whatever Potter had inquired about.

Frustration bubbled up again and Severus took a deep breath. "Sirius Black!"

Everyone in the room froze as Severus' voice screamed out over the cacophony of mingled voices. He shouted again, the sound ringing out through the halls of the hospital, and one voice answered him.

"Severus!"

It wasn't the deep baritone he was listening for, but one that was stern and alto, and almost just as welcome.

Severus turned and saw Poppy wading her way to him through the crowd. Unable to move very quickly, Severus pushed toward her, snagging Potter's arm as he passed.

Poppy's fingers curled around Severus' elbow and she pulled him close. "Calm down, and come with me."

"Tell me--"

A glare from Poppy cut off further protests, and Severus followed her through the twists and turns to a small room down a dim corridor. She turned to him and reached for his hand. Dread filled him and he glanced over at Potter before focusing on Poppy again.

"... had several injured workers coming into the hospital, but I haven't seen him."

Swallowing, Severus nodded. He made to speak, but Potter cut across him.

"Madame.. have you seen Ginny?"

Poppy turned to him and shook her head. "No, Potter, I've not seen her, but I did see Ronald and George about earlier."

Potter griped her hand and she directed him to the area of the ward where she had last seen the two Weasleys. Severus listened and watched Potter take off down the hall then started when Poppy turned back to him and gripped his elbow. 

"We need to keep you busy, it will help."

"I beg your pardon?" Severus stared at her as if she had grown a tail.

Poppy's mouth quirked into a grin and nodded at him. "We could use your assistance."

"I sincerely doubt that anyone in this facility would appreciate my inclusion."

"Nonsense!" Poppy dragged him back out into the waiting room. She led him through a pair of doors, and Severus got a brief glance of other medical personnel in various states of dress before he was tugged into another room. 

Severus stopped in the doorway and stared around the area that was set up like potion master's dream. Long tables ran the length of the room with several places already prepped for potion making with a mortar and pestle, cutting board and a block with different knives. Low blue-bell flames burned in small circles just waiting for the proper cauldron. Above each table was a large metal rack which held different types of cauldrons: copper, gold, pewter, and even flat bottom cast iron. At the end of the room was an immense glass fronted armoire filled with neatly labelled bottle of all sorts and sizes. Frosty air wafted off of one set of doors indicating the cold ingredients and a red line of light around a third opening held the specimens that needed to be warmed.

"If you would be so kind as to start some Burn Salve and Blood Replenishing Draft, it would be greatly appreciated. Some Wound Cleansing Potion wouldn't go amiss, either. I will do some checking into our missing Medi-wizard situation, as well."

"I don't think-"

" I don't care to hear your opinion, I need your help. He'll need your help." Poppy pursed her lips and shook her head at him. "This isn't the time to break down, Severus."

"I have never--"

"Don't start with me." Poppy's finger poked his nose and he stepped back from her sharp nail.

"Listen to me. This isn't the first time I've held vigil for a loved one, and it certainly won't be the last. Do as I say, Severus Snape, and get to work; it will help pass the time. Make the potions he is going to need if he comes in injured. Even if Sirius appears well and able-bodied, it is up to us to be the support and to make certain that he can continue to do his chosen profession to the best of his ability."

Severus couldn't fault her logic, and that irritated him. He wanted to know where Sirius was and couldn't care less about anyone else at this particular moment, but he turned and stepped into the lab, once again looking for a reason to argue with Poppy's advice. Not one reason presented itself. He would do this for Sirius. Reaching up for the first cauldron, Severus barely felt Poppy's hand on his back as he began a brewing plan.

~*~

Severus brewed the original three potions Poppy had asked for many times over and had lost track of time while doing so. Still, Sirius wasn't very far from his thoughts. The only times Poppy returned was shake her head to his questions on Sirius, and to request more potions. He continued to brew and tried not to think of Sirius. He hadn't seen Potter either in all that time, but had barely managed to spare him a thought. 

A knock on the door startled Severus out of his brewing coma. Poppy stood in the portal with a pensive look on her face and he wondered what she had need of now. A glance up at the clock showed Severus that several hours had passed, and it was well past the midnight hour and into the early morning. He had five cauldrons softly simmering under his control at that particular moment and immediately forgot about each one when she step forward.  
"He's been found."

Severus dropped the glass stirring rod, ignoring the tinkle of breaking glass and nearly flew toward her. "Take me there."

"Walk with me." Poppy grasped his elbow firmly, and Severus felt the tremor in her fingers through his robes. 

"Tell me."

Her mouth thinned and she continued on their course, not saying anything while they walked back through the corridors. The waiting room had nearly emptied and the silence battered at Severus' senses. He glanced over at Poppy, watched her brow furrow and smooth as though she was considering her words.

"He's alive," Poppy finally answered after they had ascended two floors in a creaking and dimly lit lift.

His breath left him in a rush and Severus sagged against the wall, swallowing hard against the lump in his throat. "But…"

Poppy stopped the lift with her wand and turned to him. "He's unconscious, but he is alive." Her throat worked and Severus' eyes widened at the sight of her slate-blue eyes filling with moisture. She ran a hand over her face and cleared her throat before speaking again.

"His injuries are numerous, but once more I must reiterate that he is alive."

She took a deep breath, and despite the tremble in her voice, she laid Sirius' condition out for him. "Apparently, he shoved one of the unfortunates through a window just as the building came down around them. The wizard will recover, but Sirius suffered for his actions. A piece of rebar pierced his lung and pinned him, beneath and to the flooring between stories, which is why it took so long to find him."

Severus just stared at her and shook his head as she continued. "He's severely bruised and scraped. He has several broken bones; some that were so shattered that they had to be Vanished and are being regrown as we speak, and your salves are working their considerable magic on his body. The most worrisome item though, in the entire list of injuries, is the concussion."

"I want to see him." Severus croaked out and Poppy inclined her head, starting the elevator once more. The lift ascended and the doors opened just as Poppy grasped his arm.

"They've put him on the Janus Thickey ward due to his concussion. This does not mean he will never leave, but until he awakens, he must be housed somewhere."

Severus nodded and stared at the doors to the ward.  He jumped as the doors opened and he could see many lime-clad workers walking around.

"Oh, Professor! Harry's almost finished, if you want to go back. Sirius is in room number three."

Severus blinked and looked down at the speaker. A battered and bruised Ginny Potter, blinked up at him. Her eyes were blackened although the rainbow of colours was fading under the orange cast of a Bruise Paste. Small scratches graced one freckled and reddened cheek, but she smiled at him. As glad for Potter as he was to see her, she was preventing him from seeing Sirius. He jumped again when she squeezed his arm then moved out of the doorway.

Behind him, he could hear Poppy and Ginny speaking. The noise was a buzz as he took a deep breath and stepped onto the ward. Whisper quiet footsteps sounded around him and Severus looked about the ward. Sleeping patients with silent family waited for the opportunity to see their loved ones stood at curtained off room partitions. Illuminated and smoky numbers identified each individual section , and with rough swallow, Severus started forward.

The numbers started high and the further back Severus travelled through the ward, the closer he came to Sirius' room. He paused just outside, eyeing the group of Healers clustered around the door. Severus recognized a couple of the other Medi-wizards from Sirius' talks about work, but none of them would look him in the eye. He waited until they dispersed and Potter exited the room. 

Potter said nothing, but squeezed his arm, and Severus couldn't say anything. He looked into the room that housed his husband and dread once again crept into his being. Morning sunlight filtered into the room as the day of the Solstice dawned bright and new. He stepped forward into the room, expecting the worst.

Sirius lay swaddled in the crisp white hospital sheets, his skin pale with a network of bruises fading across his handsome face. His eyes were closed and his hair was so stark against the whiteness of the bedclothes, that the darkness seemed to wash him out even more.

"You can approach him, Severus, but try not to jostle him."

Startled, Severus turned to see Poppy waiting in the doorway. She stepped inside and nodded at Sirius. "He's already been dosed with the Skele-Gro, but they didn't give him the Dreamless Sleep. He has to be able to awaken on his own from the concussion." 

Nodding, Severus turned back to the bed, moving closer to his husband. He settled in the chair beside the bed and just stared at Sirius.

Poppy came further into the room and pressed her hand to his shoulder. "Try to rest, Severus."

Severus said nothing and her fingers squeezed his arm before trailing away. She leaned into his field of vision and gently laid a hand on Sirius' cheek. "This is enough excitement for the holidays, Sirius. It's time for you to join us again."

She glanced over at Severus, and he could see her eyes, the lines of grief and exhaustion crawling across her face. Her mouth quirked and she turned back to Sirius. "Severus is awfully tired and wants to take you home. Please give him what he wants before he becomes most displeased."

A hard knot formed in his throat and though he wanted to, Severus couldn't find the gumption to give her a glare. He just watched Poppy mother Sirius as she had whenever either one of them had ever entered her ward.

She exited the room with a swirl of her robes, leaving Severus in the silence with the diagnostic spells ticking softly as Sirius' vitals spilled onto spelled parchment. Carefully, he scooted the chair closer to the bed and rested his hand on top of Sirius'. He closed his eyes and breathed easy for the first time since Sirius had walked out the door over twenty-four hours ago.

~*~

Severus jumped, his wand immediately in his hand and pointed across the bed over Sirius, startling the Medi-witch tending to Sirius. She gasped and took a step back then shuddered. "My apologies, Mr Snape-Black, didn't mean to wake you."

"I wasn't sleeping," Severus growled out, frowning at the guttural tone in his voice that betrayed his lying. He tucked his wand away and looked about the room, scowling deeper at the fact that the sun had moved across the room to evening. He yawned and his back twinged as he stretched.

"How is he doing?"

"His status is unchanged, but the minor injuries are almost healed. We had to give him another dose of Skele-Gro since he moved."

Severus straightened and noticed, for the first time, that his and Sirius' fingers were entwined. He hadn't remembered doing that and felt the urge to apologize. He shook his head and carefully extracted his hand from Sirius'.

"It isn't a bad thing," the woman said, and Severus looked at her.

"Oh?"

She smiled at him and nodded. "It's the little signs that help. He's in there and quite possibly fighting to get back. It's encouraging."

Severus arched a brow at her and she grinned wider. "Keep talking to him. It gives him a reason to come back. Favorite music or even familiar voices help, too."

"Thank you," Severus murmured as she walked out of the room. He glanced over Sirius, noting that the black stubble on his chin was thicker than it had been, giving him a scruffy appearance. Not that Sirius wasn't already sort of scrappy looking, but normally he was carefully groomed when he went to work.

Drawing his wand, Severus cast the hygiene spells, clearing away the lines of hair on Sirius' face and chin. "Can't have you looking so incredibly sexy whilst lying there for young Medi-witches to oogle, old dog."

Severus would have sworn he saw Sirius' lips twitch and he waited for the grin to cross his plump mouth. No pearly whites shined at him and he frowned. "Nothing to say? Fine, be that way. Perhaps I shall return home and leave you to her tender mercies."

Sirius stayed still, his eyes firmly closed hiding the stormy grey Severus loved. He huffed and leaned back in his chair, eyeing Sirius. He licked his lips, tasting the salt on his skin and the gluey texture on his teeth, before casting a cleaning charm at himself. Sighing, Severus made himself comfortable once again, his eyes watching Sirius and waiting for a sign of his return to the land of the living. 

~*~

"Severus."

The voice that woke him this time was familiar. Lupin stood at his side, and Poppy was behind him. She moved out from behind Lupin and came around the bed, sitting down after conjuring herself a chair. A bag, she had slung over her shoulder settled in her lap, and she withdrew an impressive amount of yarn with a large hook sticking out of it.

Severus glanced away from Poppy and looked up at Lupin. "Can I help you?"

His voice was scratchy and he silently cursed the fact that he'd fallen asleep again on duty.

Lupin smiled at him. "Dora's in the cafeteria, why don't you join her for a bit?"

"I'm not leaving."

"I think you should," Poppy interrupted. Her hook dug into the yarn as she wrapped a strand over the shiny metal. Severus was entranced for a moment while he watched her fingers work the steely grey yarn. "How long has it been since you slept properly, or eaten for that matter?"

"I…" Severus stopped and thought about her words. "I've slept just fine here."

Poppy pursed her mouth and continued to crochet, the length of the knotted yarn expanding so quickly as her fingers flew across it, made Severus wonder if she wasn't using magic to make whatever it was she was creating.

"I suggest you go with Remus and get some food, perhaps shower off the work you did last night."

Severus glared at her. "And if I refuse?"

That stopped the needlework, and Severus wondered if he had angered her. Poppy looked up at him then set aside the yarn.

"As much as this pains me to say, I doubt Sirius will awaken whilst you are away. You need to take care of yourself, if you are going to be able to care for him when he does come around."

Once again, her logic, her reasons couldn't be argued with and Severus turned to look at Sirius. The stubble was back, and his face was still pale, even though the most obvious evidence of his injuries was gone. Only the diagnostic spell, the spill of vital signs above his head, shattered the illusion of Sirius being asleep.

"Come here, Severus."

Swallowing, Severus stood and walked around the foot of Sirius' bed. He stood next to her and she reached out to take his hand. Her wand traced a pattern across his skin, and a yellow band encircled his wrist. The same pattern was glossed over Sirius' immobile fingers and the band brightened while Severus watched.

"This might ease you," Poppy said, her voice quiet as she picked up her hook and yarn once more. "This will tighten and warm if there are any changes. It's a variation of the Healer's monitoring spell."

His throat tightened and he looked down at Sirius. The band glowed against his skin and he watched, waiting for something to change. He willed Sirius to open his eyes, and when nothing happened he continued to stand there, looking over Sirius.

"I know you have kept up with the latest, Sirius. What are your thoughts on the Ministry's new regulations for medical personnel?" Poppy asked as her fingers moved over the yarn.

"I really do think that the new rules for patient interaction are for the better even if it does create a bit more work for the administration."

Severus blinked and listened to her speak to Sirius as if they were holding a conversation. She tied off one strand of yarn and reached into the seemingly bottomless bag, withdrawing out a bright white ball of yarn and joined the two pieces together before she continued talking.

She didn't even look up at him when she spoke again. "Are you still here, Severus?"

Severus turned away, walking out of the room and leaving Lupin standing at the door as he left. Poppy's conversation about the rules and admitting procedures echoing in his ears as he strained to hear if Sirius would finally respond.

~*~

It was late evening when Severus returned. Freshly showered and with a full stomach, he made his way through St Mungo's back to Sirius' ward. Once he had arrived home, he had been treated to opening the door and finding Potter in his sitting room.

Ginny had cleaned the kitchen and the food he'd left after finding out Sirius, was gone. In its place was a new meal, complete with sweets from both Potter's and Molly's kitchen. His stomach had growled like a wild and mad thing as he sat down and eaten until he thought he'd made himself ill. 

Potter and Ginny had filled him in on what had happened after the building had collapsed in Diagon Alley. The repairs to the Alley after the war had been quickly, and often, in Severus' opinion a slap-dash effort. It had been a hurried affair to have life return to normal. Magic could and did do many wondrous things, but sometimes, it also had devastating consequences.

It had only been a matter of time before the lackadaisical efforts had crumbled under the natural stresses of time. The Ministry would be investigation the causes, and seeing to the wounded in time. Potter's explanation helped and yet, it also made Severus numb. The dread about Sirius and his condition had crept back in. 

The Potter's took their leave to visit Sirius before returning to the Burrow for the children, and left Severus alone to rest. However, rest wasn't in his cards, he glanced about the house, looking over the decorations.

Holidays were supposed to be happy times, times he'd never enjoyed before he'd found his new life with Sirius, and now, he most certainly wouldn't be having again. The hope that the colours imbued this house with made his fear real, made the horror of the situation taint the season for him once more. He dreaded the morning light. He hated that sensation as he'd always had it before, until recently, until Sirius had returned for him. He dreaded the morning light. He jumped to his feet, and in a fit of pique, he conjured boxes and began packing up the life he once knew.

Tossing the last of the wrapped gifts to the floor, Severus looked around at the devastation. Except it wasn't. The entire room was neat, outside the stack of boxes in the centre of the room. It was utterly devoid of all indications of the happy life he had with Sirius. 

He'd left nothing of the seasonal decorations, not one remaining artifact of the happiness he'd found with Sirius in their home on the walls or furniture. the scene before him was utterly bleak in the plainness. The holidays would never be the same for him after the events of the past couple of days. 

Leaving the clutter of boxes on the floor of the sitting room, Severus turned and stormed upstairs. He tossed his robes in the hamper. Stepping into the shower stall, the worry and fear had become something else.

Severus scrubbed hard on his skin, the hot water almost scalding. He dragged the towel across his head, and though the anger stewed in his belly, his mouth let a yawn escape. It was as if being clean and tired, shut down his energy to remain upright. He wanted to stay awake and be angry at the situation, at Sirius, but his jaw creaked and with a finally sigh of exhaustion, Severus collapsed onto the bed and slept like the dead.

Startling awake at dark, Severus checked the spell band on his arm, frowning at the lack of change. Dressing hastily, he Apparated back to London, to Sirius.

Pushing the curtain partition aside, Severus found Poppy, still in her conjured chair, the needlework covering her lap in a soft fall of white and grey. The afghan barely touched the floor and she continued to hook the yarn into submission.

"Well, Sirius, Severus has returned and I think you've kept us waiting long enough. Anytime you'd like to waken, so we can all enjoy our holidays would be most appreciated."

Poppy gathered up the last of the yarn and spread out the small blanket over the end of Sirius' bed. The hook went back into her bag and she leaned over him, her palm resting on his face as she bent close. "Do as I say, Sirius; come back soon," she whispered and Severus felt a surge of both anger and grief run through him.

Poppy patted Sirius' cheek and straightened. Coming close to him, she looked up at Severus. "I'll leave you two, but I expect to see you on Christmas afternoon for dinner."

Severus blinked at her, trying to remember what day it was exactly. In two days, Christmas would dawn. It felt as if a month had passed since Sirius had gone to work and Potter had stepped through his floo. "I.."

Poppy's mouth firmed. "I expect you both for Christmas dinner, Severus."

Severus nodded. "Thank you for sitting with him."

Poppy only smiled, patted his cheek and took her leave.

Turning to the bed, he looked at Sirius. "You've upset her, you know."

Severus settled in Poppy's chair and bent his head. "I don't understand why…"

Looking up, Severus stared at Sirius. Anger boiling through the shock and exhaustion of the past few days. And so he sat, waiting and watching both Sirius and the day move on. Sirius remained unconscious as Severus watched a stream of Medi-witches and Healers come in to attend to Sirius. He listened to reports updating Sirius' condition, to tales of people coming out of comas with nary a worry, and overheard those hissed conversations in where a loved one never woke or even died from lying in bed. Through it all, he seethed at the circumstances, cursed magic as he had long ago when he'd made the mistakes of his past that resulted in the death and loss of so many loved ones.

Finally, the loathing of the situation, of his circumstances leaked through and Severus spoke to his husband. "Why? Why, Sirius? Why was it necessary for you to be there? What possessed you to venture into an unsafe building?"

Standing, he paced along the edge of the curtain partition. "You had no business doing something so… such a…" He paused and clinched his hands together, turning to face the bed, and Sirius. "You bloody fucking Gryffindor!"

Sirius lay silent and still through the mad rambling, and it angered Severus even more. "I can't believe you! Wake up and talk to me, you bastard. Wake up!"

Rage made him see red, and Severus stalked forward, leaning down to Sirius and hissing in his ear. "I hate you for leaving me alone like this."

Severus coughed and covered his face, biting his lip to keep from shouting again. To keep the rest of his tangled emotions and fears silent after the initial outburst. He hated that he'd broken and said the things he had. But, the words were said and he refused to take them back. He gave Sirius one last glare then exited the partition to find Lupin outside. Lupin's wand was drawn and a Silencing Spell shimmered about the area. His amber eyes were wide and he stared at Severus.

"Have you finished?"

Severus crossed his arms over his chest and glared at Lupin. "For now. I intend to yell down the walls until he wakens if I bloody well want."

Lupin licked his lips and nodded. "I'll just leave this here then, and return when you are finished."

Severus walked past him. "Go see him, perhaps he will answer you when he wouldn't  me."

"Severus…"

Severus ignored Lupin and entered the lift, not looking back as he made his way out of the hospital.

Outside the snow was falling once more and darkness had crashed down on the day. Severus huffed, his breath floating like smoke on the chilly air. He watched the passerbys ladened down with shopping bags while they hurried on their way home. Light and decorations glittered madly in the night, and he stewed over his words to Sirius, wondering if the venting of his anger had really done either one of them any good.

Distantly, he could hear carollers singing to earn money for the less fortunate, and he sneered as he turned and walked down the sidewalk. The snow fell gently on his head, the frosty flakes dissipating in his hair, even as the downfall became thicker. Hissing a soft spell to repel the worst of the cold, Severus continued his walk down the street.

He passed shops filled with patrons and thought about his words to Sirius. The anger he felt still boiled and yet, he'd walked out of the room without so much as a backward glance, leaving the most important person in his life to languish in whatever hell he'd managed to place himself in. A small thrill of justification surged through him, immediately followed by a pang of immense guilt.

Turning about, Severus headed back toward the hospital. He brushed off the slight gathering of snow before entering the building. He snuck past the welcome witch and took the lift up to the ward.

Severus slipped back into the make-shift ward, watching as Lupin and Poppy stood outside of the space where Sirius resided. He couldn't hear their conversation, and he was rather glad he couldn't but he approached them, his heart heavy with his actions.

Lupin looked a bit sheepish, and he pressed a hand to Poppy's arm before nodded to Severus and leaving. Poppy turned to him, and although he saw no anger in her expression, he did see something else. It wasn't unexpected. Poppy had proved to a heavy influence in Sirius' life as well as his own during the latter part of his years at Hogwarts. 

The disappointment Severus would have sworn to have seen wasn't there though. Poppy sighed, looked in on Sirius and turned back to him. "How are you, Severus?"

Confused, he snapped at her. "It's been almost three days. How do you think I am?"

Poppy hummed. "And I had hoped that sending you away would do you some good."

Thoroughly lost, Severus huffed. "Why did you think me leaving would help?"

"Severus, as a caregiver, one finds themselves often caring too much. As a loved one, we tend to overcompensate for not having the ability to intervene and save the people we cherish most from the aches and pains of life."

"That makes little sense," Severus began and Poppy cut across him.

"It's human, Severus, is what it is, and despite or maybe in spite of the fact that we are magical, it happens.  To have anger in times like these is normal, is what I am saying. No matter what happens, what is said, we all react to trauma in very different ways."

"I am not the one who has been traumatized!" Severus stepped closer to her, ignoring the personnel at the head of the ward. 

Poppy stared up at him and nodded her head. "But you have. Your lover, your husband, is injured and there is nothing you can do, at this moment in time, to help him. It's frustrating and debilitating." She placed her hand on his arm. "You have every right to be angry with him for placing himself in the situation that caused his injuries, because you love him."

She finished softly and the entire time, Severus listened to her voice, heard the excuse in the words and yet, it didn't change the way he felt. Anger, guilt and helplessness still coursed through him, warring with the need to bottle all of the same emotions up tightly. Poppy squeezed his forearm, her fingers gently but firmly anchoring the wild thoughts and reason running amuck in him.

"What happens if he doesn't wake?" Severus whispered.

It seemed as if Poppy wasn't going to answer his question, then she breathed in deeply and spoke. "He will," she said. "I highly doubt that after all this time a knock to the head will put down Sirius Black down for long. He's entirely too stubborn for such things."

Severus snorted. "Not that I don't disagree, but it has already happened."

Poppy shook her head. "No. I don't think he has given up, otherwise, he wouldn't have survived thus far."

"You did make mention of his obstinance previously."

Poppy chuckled. "That I did. Shall we let him rest tonight?"

Severus lifted his arm and checked the band, the yellow color still bright and solid as it had been. "I…"

Poppy smiled. "I understand. Try to rest, Severus. Magic can and does many wondrous things, but sometimes, the body just needs to heal at its own pace."

Severus watched her go and then turned to enter Sirius' room. Sirius hadn't moved, though he'd been tended to by someone. He was freshly groomed and Severus could smell the harsh scent of institutional soap and cleansers. He wrinkled his nose at the smell, but took his place next to the bed and rested his palm over Sirius' hand.

"You best wake soon, old dog, for if I have to spend Christmas with Potter and his brood alone, I just may kill you myself."

Carefully, Severus entwined his fingers with Sirius' and watched him breathe.

~*~

The matron puttered around the room as Severus watched her tend to Sirius. One more day and still no change. It was entirely frustrating as all anyone could tell him was that if Sirius would waken, then they would be able to see the extent of the damage. Head trauma was a serious matter, and though the physical damage was healed, there might be other, more lasting injuries to come. The longer that he was comatose, the more serious matters became.

"Happy Christmas," the little witch murmured as she left the room, and Severus took his chair again, wondering if indeed it would be. Poppy expected them for dinner, but somehow, he sincerely doubted that they would be present.  

He watched her go then turned to Sirius. "I won't apologize for what I've said."

Sirius laid still and silent as he had before but Severus soldiered on, speaking more softly this time. "You've gone and left me a shattered wreck, waiting and wondering if you will ever awaken. I hate that your work was so important, and I wasn't, we weren't." 

Merlin! He sounded like an overly emotional witch, but the hope, and Poppy's faith made a small brightness of hope live on in his beaten and blackened self. Severus leaned over Sirius again and sneered at him. "Wake up and give me hell, like you are supposed to have done. If this guilt must live in me, then I am sharing it with you."

The hurt and loss tore through him, but he remained calmer than before while he hissed out his fears. "I hate that I am stuck here venting to a silent shell of you. And for what, Black? What good did you do saving that bloody transient when you ended up here?"

Severus huffed and noticed that Sirius had never even moved. Spittle sparkled on his skin and Severus crashed down into the chair. "Why Sirius? Why now? We've gone through bloody hell and back, and now you won't return to me?"

Reaching forward, he wiped his ventings from Sirius' face. His nails scratching on the black stubble that was once again on Sirius' cheek. The sound nearly undid his anger, and sorrow filtered in. "You came for me once when I had done everything to push you away, and yet now you won't even open your bloody eyes. Why was that fucking vagrant so important? Why was he more than I?"

Spent, Severus took Sirius' hand and closed his eyes. "Happy Christmas, old dog." He breathed in the medical smells on the air and thought he felt his fingers squeezed. Cracking open one eyes to see, Sirius lay recumbent and utterly still. Severus closed his eye and covered his face with his other hand, biting his lip to keep the screams inside.

~*~

All around he could hear medical personnel moving about him. He'd become inured to the noises of the Medi-witches tallying up Sirius' vital signs, their mutters of incomprehension at his state so he remained silent in his chair, waiting for the newest report.

_Fingers in his hair made Severus jump. He looked up to see the Healers milling about the bed, their conversation low and indistinct. He sighed and leaned back in the chair to find not only Sirius, but Lily floating above him._

_"No," he stuttered and reached out for them. His fingers passed through their hands, even as they lowered gently to stand beside him. They stood together. Holding hands. Transparent and cold as ghost. His arm shot out again, once more passing through the silvery make up their skin._

"S-S-S-Sev-erus."

_The voice was soft and low, apologetic, and it grated on Severus' nerves. He shook his head as more and more apparitions formed. He was surrounded by the spirits of his past and future, and the linked arms with Lily and Sirius, the filmy sight tearing at his heart. He denied them all once more._

"No."

"S-Sever-us."

Pain seared through his body, the sensation tightening down on him and his magic. It tugged and pulled at him as if Sirius were trying to drag him into death with him. And he wanted to go, wanted to leave behind the rest of the world because he was tired of outlasting all of them.

"No."

"Severus."

The voice was stronger now, though still soft and pleading. He closed his eyes, not wanting to see Sirius fade away. The fingers graced over his hair again, tangling in the long strands and tugging none-too-gently.

"Wake up you daft bastard."

Severus jolted, his hair pulled and the sting rippled across his scalp. Opening his eyes, he saw the hospital room, but avoided looking over at the bed.

"Severus, look at me."

Sirius' creaking and gravelling voice forced Severus to glance up. Sirius' eyes were open, the deep stormy grey looked back at him. Fatigue lingered in the expression on Sirius' face, but there was a small smile across his full mouth. "About bloody time," Sirius muttered then coughed.

Severus glanced down the spelled bracelet flashed and pulsed around his wrist, squeezing and shifting colours like a mad thing. He lifted his head and swallowed the lump in his throat. "Sirius."

"Here in the flesh, love."

Severus closed his eyes, his hand seeking out Sirius', and twining their long fingers together. A soft jangle, like quiet bells, echoed through the room and shouts rang out in the hallway.

"About bloody time," Severus answered and opened his eyes. Medi-witches and Healers flowed into the room, crowding Severus, but he remained in the chair his hand linked with Sirius.

"Happy Christmas, Severus," Sirius murmured between answering questions and the exams going on about his person. He clung tightly to Severus' fingers, never letting go even as the Medi-witches jolted into them.

"Ha-Happy Christmas? Is that all you've to say?"

"For now."

Severus licked his lips and settled into a more comfortable position, ignoring the looks from the Healers, but he didn't let go of Sirius. There might be more awful news about Sirius' condition later, but he was awake now, and Severus clung to that thought. He had returned. "We will discuss your version of Christmas surprises later."

Sirius snorted, a small harsh chuckle escaped him and he nodded. "I am looking forward to it."

The End

**Author's Note:**

> Written December 2015 for Mini-fest on livejournal using 2012 Prompt 35: It didn't feel like Christmas without him, and prompt # 58 from 2015: The solstice celebration is not the same without _____. (grief or hurt/comfort).


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